gabriel
If you won’t have my worst, You don’t deserve my best.I Dare You.
My mind is elsewhere tonight. its somewhere away from where it needs to be. The thing is, I like where it is. I just can’t seem to focus long enough to do the things that require my attention. As Dodger sits on my shoulder, I sit here in a place of excitement, curiosity, and anticipation.
I have two roads in front of me. One I’ve been looking at for a long time. The other is one that is more familiar, safer, well traveled. Shall I continue down the pavement of expectations or do I dare to make this dream a reality. I like dares, dares challenge us, make us uncomfortable, and force us to grow. A dare can create opportunities never before imagined. A dare, or in some cases the dreaded double dare, has the nerve to scare us. To keep us from acting… but the whole premise is to force us to act; to make the uncommon choice that could take us to a most unfamiliar place. Rarely do I regret taking a dare. I cannot remember a time where I a came out of one worse off…
Which leads me to the road less traveled. This road holds curiosities and challenges of its own. This road is looking me in the eye saying: “I Dare you…”
I accept.
Roots
Roots:
~family, ethnic, or cultural origins, especially the reasons for one’s long standing emotional attachment to a place or community.~the essential substance or nature of something
~a part of a thing attaching it to a greater or more fundamental whole; the end or base
~The part of a plant that attaches it to ground or to a support, typically underground, conveying water and nourishment to the plant via nourishment and fibers
I had a conversation with an old friend last night. A good friend. The type of friend that despite miles and years of being apart, nothing has changed. Well, plenty has changed – so much has changed. But in reconnecting, in talking and sharing all that has happened, its like no time has passed. It seems one of the few ways we can disregard our calendar… and that clock we manage each of our days by.
Their are few individuals out there that despite the choices we make and the places the road may take us. All of that distance can be overcome with a simple hello, a warm smile, or just the memory of a time that seemed so simple. Those individuals are rooted deep within our being. Not part of our identity, but so deeply involved with who we have become that no matter where we are, they seem a stones throw away – willing to take part in the most important part of our lives.
I suppose I could be putting way too much into the idea of… or the importance of those who have been with us as we’ve grown, seen our successes and our mistakes and continue to celebrate our small victories. Like the definitions above, our roots are our origins, attach us to our base, a community which provides nourishment and support. There is something to be said about who you grew up with in those places in which you grew up… a sense of belonging, a common denominator or unsaid understanding of each other. There is comfort in that. Thats why reunions can be so exciting – sharing where you’ve been with those from which you came.
This is a thank you. This is a shout out. I’m giving virtual props to those who have grown with me. Wherever you may be, whatever you may be experiencing… even though I may not be within arms reach, I’m not far.
And this also goes out to the individual who sparked this blog… a long distance dedication, and a thank you. You know who you are. You are special and loved by many. I may be miles and miles away… but as we know, that span can be covered in as little as ten digits.
Cars and Kisses
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.” ~Albert Einstein
Interesting combination don’t you think?
Yesterday, I went to the auto show. It was me, my bro, and our father. I was definitely amused. Not so much by the cars, but more so by everyone there – I’m a total people watcher.
I can appreciate fine machinery just like the next guy (or girl). But as I’m walking around, watching individuals dream and drool, I was caught asking myself if I should be participating. I just wasn’t feeling it. My brother and I did compare vehicles and I even sat in a few. While sitting in the cockpit of vehicle most would love to drive I asked myself if I could really see myself driving it – or really more tried to ask the question of what my car failed to provide that this particular car delivered. I’m sure there are many gear heads out there that would gladly create a list a mile long – but I guess I just need to find a vehicle that really gets my attention. I like my car, its not all that new, I mean its getting up there in age, but I’m perfectly happy with the vehicle I’m driving. Maybe someday I’ll need to replace my current vehicle, but apparently I wasn’t feeling it at the auto show… a place where everyone else was planning and picturing driving their car or truck of their dreams. I guess I’m just a bit caught off guard that I was so disconnected from the experience. But why? I think its because I realize that a new car isn’t something I need. And the fun of pretending that I could or would soon be driving one – wasn’t at all enticing to me.
On a different (and I think more exciting) note, Miaken and I were talking tonight. We were trying to define the term: “making out”. It came up because we were watching What Women Want, and as the two main characters dove into each other in a restaurant, Miaken asked me if I could do that; if I could make out in the middle of a public restaurant…
We then preceded to define what constitutes making out. Is it a time period? does it require a certain kind of feeling or passion? Is it constant kissing or can it be intermittent kissing for a long period of time? Does it usher in other activity?
Miaken seemed to think it should be constituted by time: at least thirty seconds to be specific. Jake felt that it should be determined by a level of passion… I just sat in amusement, didn’t really put my two sense in. I just really enjoyed being a third party in the convo.
Wikipedia states that it includes “heavy petting and skin to skin contact”. It even references games associated like: seven minutes in heaven, and spin the bottle. I don’t know about ya’ll, but I never made out with anyone when playing spin the bottle, nor did I ever get thrown into the a dark closet with a stranger… Maybe I missed out as a teen…
or maybe I should add those events to my next party!
A lincoln for my thoughts perhaps? I guess I’m going to revert to my favorite number on this one: Three. Three minutes constitutes a proper make out session. Anything that may follow is considered bonus… or leads to something I wouldn’t classify as “making out” 
Any thoughts on the matter?
Borrowed Time: Part Two
After a few conversations sparked by my last entry… it seems as if more was needed – or at least expanded upon.
“We are not here to be alone, we are here for community – to create relationships – to make friends, and ultimately, to lose them. The losing part is the only guarantee we have. Its up to us to make the losing worth the while. To make the time we have together a reason to live.”
Loss is the inevitable part of the equation. I think when I write, I think about how I view things, my vantage point of life. I try to understand the world through the small portal hole I’m given. I understand how small and insignificant that viewpoint is, and I challenge it. I challenge the conventionality of our actions. Of the the pitfalls I find myself and those close to me falling into.
So let me spin it this way…
There is a kind of love out there that gives you the courage to make you better than you are, not less than you are. A kind of love that makes you feel like anything is possible. I do not think this kind of love is easily found. I think if we’re patient, persistent, and purposeful, it will be discovered. It can even happen through chance… but rarely do I think it happens over the course of time. I do not think that a love like that evolves. I think it just is. I think that an evolved love develops a respectful and admirable role, I question whether an evolved love can truly, continually challenge us to be better. I think the love we develop for our children can do that. I think that, because a love like that is selfless. A kind of love modeled by Jesus… a kind of love I continually seek.
Now, the second part…
Loss is an important element of love. You can’t have loss – you can’t feel loss, if there was no love in the first place. The more you love someone in the first place, the greater the loss. All great love stories have to, by definition, end in tragedy. We have all experienced loss and the after effects of it. I point out tragedy because of all the things we don’t know, loss is certain. We worry about the “How” and the “When” but all that does is distract us from what really matters: the “now”. If we just accept that at some point things will end, and maintain our energy on the present – how wonderful our lives would be. My point in saying that loss gives us reason to live – seems, well, a bit blah. But I would rather live fully and lose fully, then sit waiting somewhere in the in-between and wonder what if.
Borrowed Time
“… we are forced to know that life, every minute is borrowed time. And each person we let ourselves care about is just one more loss somewhere down the line. For this reason… …we make it our job to move that line – to push each loss as far away as we can.”
~ Grey’s Anatomy.
What is interesting about last week’s episode is Meredith talked about the not knowing – and how that was the hardest part. Although the unknown can be the hardest to grasp -to try and understand. The reality is we don’t know. We can only hope. We can only make decisions that will guide us in a direction we think we want to go. Key word: think. Our decisions, as fleeting as they are, guide our lives and influence us in ways we can never predict.Those ripples spread far and wide – further than we could ever begin to comprehend.
I watch this episode and I think about those influencing my life. I think about the influence I have on others… and the bottom line is that we are all on borrowed time. We have a gift we’ve been given, and too often we float through it. Like a river’s current carries driftwood downstream, we allow those decisions we’ve made command us – especially those that don’t make us happy, but provide contentment. We accept contentment because we question whether or not we have the courage to make the choices that will bring us true joy. We long for true connections, but fail to follow through because of what might happen. What might be.
It all comes back to the unknown.
So what do we do? We must… I must take this time that has been given to me and use it, by sharing the other gifts I’ve been granted. To invest in others selflessly, to support and encourage. To be an apostle, a teacher, and a friend. I know all those I involve intricately in my life will be lost. I understand the inevitability of endings. Especially the unexpected ones – the ones that hurt so bad that leave us confused and lost. But if I were to focus on that predetermined ending, I question whether I would have the ability to enjoy today and to have the courage to make something memorable and wonderful.
That is something we must do. Fight. Beat the odds that life continually reminds us are against us. To live in this world, but not be of this world. To continually find greatness in the simple things. We are not here to be alone, we are here for community – to create relationships – to make friends, and ultimately, to lose them. The losing part is the only guarantee we have. Its up to us to make the losing worth the while. To make the time we have together a reason to live.
grrrr….
Today, was a good day. Every day is really, but somedays seem to leapfrog others, and today was one of those days! It could have been the warmer weather, it could have been lunch, or just the fact that I played a bit of basketball (and watched more)… but then again, it could have been all of it.
But now, now more than ever I need to focus. I need to realize how little time I have to get my research done. But all I want to do is focus on working towards my nonprofit, not studying others. Which, to be honest, cannot be the pecking order. I only have three weeks to compile research and present it… from getting others to take the survey to interviewing to… who knows. Less than three week by now, but I need to bump it up on the priority list. I’m too close to not get it done!
So, if you’re reading this… please send me the focus vibe. Send me multiple vibes… anything to keep this ball moving. Anything to finish my masters program on a strong note. And in three weeks, when class is over, we can all have a drink and party ’till the cows come home!
Odds
Screw the odds. …the odds mean crap. So people should face it and they should fight. ~ Lexi Grey, Grey’s Anatomy.
Too often in life we look at what is most likely to happen, what do the numbers say. More often then not, they deter us, give us some level of confidence. Confidence that we fail to create because we’re afraid, afraid to fight for something we’re unsure of.
That which we are unsure of makes us question the fabric of what makes us human. We are created to defy the laws we create, to defy the things we set boundaries for which we do not understand. We lean on the ideas of science when we cannot find an explanation, only to realize that we cannot know with any certainty how we have come to be who we are.
I want to be a fighter. I want to fight for the things I hope for, dream of, and desire most in my heart. The world knocks us down and its not if we get up, but how many times, and how often. Odds say we will stay down. I say its time to get up. Odds rely on a set of numbers created to substantiate a claim. I don’t do odds, My will, my hope, my expectations don’t do odds. Odds… are an excuse.
I say… no more excuses.
Rock and Roll
There is a song I have been hearing for about a year, but recently have had a different take on it. It is a good, catchy song called Rock & Roll by Eric Hutchinson. Its one of those songs that makes you want to sing along and get up dance to, but the message is pretty interesting. The chorus is:
——————————————–
If they wanna rock they rock
If they wanna roll they roll
They can roll with the punches
Long as they feel like they’re in control
If they wanna stay they stay
If they wanna go they go
They don’t care how they get there
Long as they get somewhere they know
——————————————–
The premise of the song lies in the decisions these individuals are making are dictated by societal norms, which, really are not out of the ordinary. What caught my attention is the two lines referring to control and a place of comfort. Which, is exactly what I think most individuals do; fall into a cycle of going nowhere. A place called no-man’s-land. A place where one isn’t really happy, but they’re not really unhappy enough to do anything about it. One sits in a rut, going through a life of mediocrity not getting uncomfortable to do anything about it. And to me, I think I struggle at times with the idea of doing something, knowing I’m falling into that rut. There is a tendency to get lost in our days of punching the clock, eating dinner, making plans with friends and family for the weekend, etc. Not that we all don’t fall into familiar patterns, but I think it is the patterns that enable us to maintain a status quo that become dangerous. Sitting in that place where we find comfort but not joy puts us into a kind of trance, a full-fledged rat race that keeps us struggling with the same thing every day. As a Christian, more specifically a person who longs to continue to build a stronger relationship with God, the biggest obstacle to get over in developing that relationship is that comfort zone. That area in life allows us to believe we’re on track and doing fine. Its not until we get out of the rut that we realize the difference. So if this world is one which in many ways promotes mediocrity, how is it that we continue to strive for greatness? How do we as individuals continue to create opportunity for ourselves? What do we do to keep us from being average? Not that average is a bad thing, that isn’t the issue at all, the issue is in the not knowing. Many “average people” are able to do great things with the tools they have. The question then seems to become: how do we wake up the average person? How can we open their eyes, encourage them to take the red pill, nudging them up out of the rut? How do we do that for ourselves? How do I personally get out of the rut I find myself in from time to time?
I think the answer is in action. It lies in doing. The foundation of seeking God first, creating and building the relationship which will foster further opportunity in life. Opening the eyes of non-believers and believers alike through example. During Jesus’ time, and shortly after when Paul was bringing new believers daily to God, the biggest and most contentious individuals were believers. That in itself should say a lot about the history of religion. Knowing that, understanding that we can get lost in “feeling in control” and “getting somewhere we know” is where we as human beings get lost within certain confines. We get so tied up in our current ideas and the ideas that have been impressed upon us, that we enable ourselves to get caught up daily.
As I go forward, it is my purpose to find ways to improve upon myself daily. That involves prayer, quiet time, exercise, community, and compassion & tolerance. I believe that we all hold a purpose, and I want to believe that each and everyone of us hold within us a purpose filled life. The challenge is finding ways to wake up that dormant purpose and make it something we all can act on consciously. I think we need to do that for each other. We need to do that for our brothers and sisters in Christ, and for those who have yet to find God. To encourage greatness in each other, to nourish accomplishment through servant leadership, and to continue to come to God humbly, transparent, and honest.
